drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
