ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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