I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
