I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
