Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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