you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
