In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
