i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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