Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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