Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
