we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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