Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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