Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
