We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize