My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
