did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
