At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
