She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
