i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
