if you like me you must not know who I am
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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