Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize