K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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