Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
