yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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