I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
