he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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