Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
