if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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