Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I would fuck him just for his dog
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
