a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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