what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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