I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
