he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
