I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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