I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My hand turned me down
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
