Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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