i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
