also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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