She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
