hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
