the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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