I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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