I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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