The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
