She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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