I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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