did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize