what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you inspire me to be a worse person
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
