im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize