I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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