my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
