Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Watching her eat just hurts me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
