I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
