you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
