I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
