He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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