If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
