"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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