Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
