If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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