I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
love makes seman taste better
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
