Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
