I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
