"it" just moved
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
