Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I enjoy the company of your penis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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