sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I will be naked everywhere
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
